There is no one way of believing that is the only right way.  Each person has to decide for themselves what is right and wrong.   Therefore, none of us has the right to judge that someone else's beliefs are wrong.   If you do not want others to judge you, you should make up your mind not to judge them.

Yes, not everyone lives by this golden rule, so there WILL be times that others do not respect or honor your beliefs.   And especially if you are a child and the person you don't agree with is an adult, it is even more likely that your belief will not be considered valid.  However, in general, when you are respectful to others, they will be more likely to be respectful to you, even if they don't agree with you.

The best thing to do when someone starts speaking of a belief you do not share, is simply to say nothing and go on your way.  There is no need to confront people about the fact that we do not agree with them.  It rarely will change their minds.

However, if a situation arises where you feel and someone's belief is unjust, and you feel you must absolutely say something, there is a way to do it that is LESS LIKELY to cause you problems. 

With a very calm, respectful tone of voice, without even addressing the issue, I simply say,  "John, that's an interesting point of view.  I know there are people who think differently about that issue.  Do you think people can disagree about this issue and still respect each other?" 

Most people will probably say, "Yes, of course, I think they can."   Notice, you have not told him you think he is wrong, and you have not let on that your position is different than his.  You have gotten him to agree to respect differing opinions. 

Never tell someone they are wrong (because that is a matter of opinion anyway).  You are simply going to tell them how that kind of belief affects you. For example:  "When I hear someone say unkind things about another person, it affects me very strongly.  I know what it is like to have someone say unkind things about me, and it hurts very much.  So when I hear someone say unkind things, I not only feel very sad for the person who is being talked about, it also makes me very angry at the person who is speaking, because they don't have the right to judge another person.  We all make mistakes, and we should be able to feel that we will be respected even if we are not perfect.  Does that make sense to you, John?"

Notice that you did NOT say,  "John, when YOU say unkind things it makes me angry at YOU."  Anytime you use the word YOU it's like you are pointing your finger at him and using blame, shame, and guilt.  He won't respond well to that.  But if you just let him know how what he said makes you FEEL, he will usually take that better. 

He might say, "But what this person did was wrong."  Then you can say, "Well, that's a matter of opinion, isn't it?  And even if they WERE wrong, we don't have to be unkind and talk about it tothers, do we? John, when other people hear you talk that way,  it makes them think unkind things about YOU....and I'm sure that's not what you want, is it?"

Make sure that when you confront someone like this, you do it in private.  The person is certainly not going to tolerate being confronted this way in front of other people, they will feel humiliated or disrespected.  Ask to talk to them alone. 

I believe that even young people can be respected for their beliefs if they just learn to express themselves in a positive way.  You may not make John change his mind about the other person, but you might get him to refrain from talking about the other person, at least when you are around.  And if you express yourself this way, you will win John's respect because you speaking thoughtfully as an adult, and not as a child.

All in all, however, you are better off if you can simply have a "live and let live" attitude and walk away without saying anything.   For the most part, it is not our job in life to tell anyone else what to think or how to live.

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Copyright 2009   Judie C. Snelson and The Center for Unhindered Living