Removing Obstacles to Healthy Human Development
What ARE the obstacles to healthy human development? Maybe if we know what they are, we can avoid them and engage in activities that WILL be healthy and empowering.
Think back to when you were a child, or think about one of your own children. When babies are born, they know just what they want and need, and they let you know right away what those things are. When they are hungry and thirsty, they cry loudly until you get them what they need. If you give them something to eat or drink that they don't like, they let you know about it, and they keep asking or crying until they get what they want.
They know what they need, but we discourage them from acknowledging these needs and seeking to meet them. We don't trust them to know what is good for them. We seek to squelch their natural tendency to do what THEY know is best for them. We seek what WE want by depriving them of what's best for them. We say things like:
Don't touch that!
Stay away from there!
Keep your hands off that!
Eat everything on your plate, whether you like it or not!
You don't really feel that way.
You don't really want that.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Stop crying. Don't be a baby.
And as our kids got older we probably said to them (you probably heard your parents or teachers say this to you):
You can't have everything you want simply because you want it.
Money doesn't grow on trees.
Can't you think of anybody but yourself?
Stop being so selfish!
Stop doing what you are doing and come do what I want you to do.
The trouble with all the above statement is, none of them are true, but we teach these things to our kids to control them.
Do you like being controlled?
And so, we have created a world full of people who never feel full, never have enough, never feel good about themselves, are ashamed of wanting to have their needs met, and who feel that their genuine emotions should never be expressed. We have also created a world full of people who think that going after what they want in life is wrong, and that the only way to get what you want is to walk all over other people to get it.
I always tell people in my classes, Don't live other people's dreams, and stop settling for less than you want.
I CAN have everything I want, but it took me until I was 47 years old and I had de-programmed myself of all the crap that we are told growing up, that I felt willing and able to go out and get it. We are doing our children a disservice to feed them these lines just because it's more convenient for us.
Don't touch that! Stay away from there! Keep your hands off that! Why?
Because you, as a parent, don't want to spend the time to sit with me and guide me while I touch it. I need to explore, that's how I learn, and I need to use my natural curiosity, but I need to you participate with me and show me HOW to touch it gently and safely. But you don't want to take the time, it interferes with your life.
Sorry, that's what being a parent is about. Taking the time.
If YOU wanted to touch something, you would. Nobody would be there to tell you not to, and as an adult, if someone did tell you not to, you probably would anyway if you thought it was important enough.
The difference between you and your child is, you respect and take your own needs seriously. You don't think your child's needs are very serious. With all due respect, you don't have the right to decide that for your child. It's his life and his needs, not yours. The next time you decide to interfere with something your child wants, realize you are interfering with the rest of his life, his emotional health, his mental progamming.
Don't tell him he can't have everything he wants. He can, if he is willing to do what is necessary to get that thing. Instead of just telling our children no, help them learn to get what they want.
You may be thinking, "But I don't want my child to have everything he/she wants." Why not? Because you've never allowed yourself to have everything you want? Because you've been told it's selfish, evil, wrong? Who says?
If we have a need, and we fill that need legitimately, we will stop running around trying to fill it illegitimately.
Please believe me, you will NOT raise selfish kids. My kids want things, but they work and save money for what they want, or they find some other legitimate ways to get it. But I do not tell them they shouldn't want it. There's nothing wrong with wanting something.
Many people try to teach their kids not to want things, based upon some religious idea or prohibition, such as the statement in the Bible that "It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven." Most people are unaware of the true meaning of this Aramaic idiom. The "Eye of the Needle" is a huge stone arch, big enough for many people and camels to pass through. Was this idiom saying that it's hard to be wealthy, or bad? No, that's something HUMANS believe, based upon their past programming. We think that if someone is wealthy, they must have gotten their wealth through deception or breaking the law or stepping on others, so we think money is evil. It's not.
Be careful of trying to use the idioms of the Bible or other cultures as a pattern for yourself. Most of these idioms have been translated incorrectly because those doing the translating did not have Aramaic as their native language. That's why when Jesus would teach, often those listening did not understand. Jesus spoke a Northern Aramaic dialect, and most of those he was teaching spoke a Southern Aramaic dialect, so they had trouble understand the idioms he used. Those misunderstandings have been carried on down through the centuries and we perpetuate them by teaching them, incorrectly, to our children.
Jesus said, "I came that you might have life, and have it more abundantly." Jesus wants you to have abundance. It's humans who think somehow that it's bad.
Maybe your child just wants more control over their own life. Maybe they just want to sleep in bed with you instead of sleeping alone, or maybe they want to stay up as late as they want and go to bed when they are tired, or maybe they want to stay home and teach themselves instead of going to school, or maybe they want figure out a way to make money so that they can do the things they want to do, instead of going to school. Let them.
My children were allowed to school themselves. They were allowed to study what they wanted and ignore what they weren't interested in. They were allowed to eat when they wanted and sleep when they wanted, work and play when they wanted. When my son reached 21 years of age, his friends all started to ostracize him because he didn't choose to go to college. He saw no need. He makes enough to support himself. In fact, we all make enough to have everything we want now. Why go to college? If there is a subject my son is interested in, he studies about it, on his own, without the need for classes or a diploma. He has observed my lifelong love of books and learning, and that's a model for him. We have also modeled for him our lifestyle of deciding what we want and not settling for anything less. That's the best inheritance I can give him.
By programming our children that they can't have what they want, that their needs and feelings aren't important, we are teaching them to devalue others also. If they don't love themselves first, they can't love others. If they see that it is possible for them to have everything they want legitimately, they won't be trying to cheat others to get it. If they see us being generous because we have everything we need and enough to share, they will also learn to be generous.
How can you have everything you want? I did it through Automaticbuilder.com
I am in the process of saving up to buy a million dollar home. Like the one below.
Looks more like a hotel than a home, doesn't it?
I love to swim, and I love animals, particularly cats and horses.
At this place, I'd be able to have them both. As well as get out
of bed each morning and jump into my own pool. Then I will
get out, sit down at the computer for a cup of tea, and spend
a half-hour answering emails for my business. That's it.
That's the extent of the work I do to make the incredible
amount of money I make. You can do it too. And you can
have the lifestyle that you so desperately want.
It's not emotionally healthy for people to believe they are limited. We only use about 5% of our brain's ability. We are capable of so much more than we think or imagine.
Another thing my money is helping me do is open up The Center for Unhindered Living here in Southwest Oklahoma. Here we teach classes on Aware Parenting, Emotional Freedom Technique, and Independent Income Generation, as well as techniques to help you maxamize the Law of Attraction which is how we get the things we need and want. We are helping people remove obstacles to their health, happiness, peace and prosperity. Join us!
But most important, don't stunt yours or your children's human development by believing the myths our society perpetuates upon us. For more about these myths, see: Dispelling our Institutional Myths
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