1.  I’m afraid I’ll roll over on the baby.

Cases of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) used to be attributed to lying
on the baby and smothering it.  Modern research has shown SIDS to be a
neurological disorder and not caused by overlying.  Infants have very strong
reflexes.  When their breathing is obstructed, they often kick, scream, writhe
about, and put up a fuss impossible to sleep through, especially for a new mother
who is already extremely vigilant about every sound and movement her child
makes.  The only time a parent should not sleep with a child is when the parent is
under the influence of drugs or alcohol which could alter their ability to detect and
respond to their child’s movements and sounds.  Drugs and alcohol should never
be consumed by a nursing mother anyway, so this is rarely a problem.
 
 

2.  I’m afraid the baby will fall out of bed.

There are many suitable remedies for this.  First of all, baby can
sleep in the middle between Mom and Dad.  If this is undesirable for some
reason, Mom can sleep in the middle with baby on the outside.  A siderail can be
purchased which slides between the mattress and box springs and keeps baby from
falling off.  Or, the bed can be slid next to the wall so baby can’t fall off.  Also,
mattresses can be placed on the floor so that even if baby rolls off the mattress,
he/she will not be hurt.
 
 

3.  I’m afraid sleeping with us will become a habit the child will never want to give up.

First of all, the idea that children should not sleep with their parents is culturally
programmed.  In many other countries, children and parents sleep together all
their lives.  If you and your child enjoy it, there’s no reason to give it up.
Secondly, studies in America show that cosleeping gradually diminishes in
frequency from birth to age 12 (Rath & Okum, 1995).  In my own family, we
never forbade our children from sleeping with us.  My older son is now 17 and my
younger 11.  They have their own beds and rooms, and enjoy (sometimes even demand)
their privacy.  Yet we maintain a very close relationship, closer than it would have been if we had not
coslept.  While they are very independent, they know we respect them and are always there for
them.  Some children will want their own sleep space when they are 2 or 3 years old, others take
longer.  The more secure you can make your child now, the more independent he will be able to be later on.
 
 

4.  How can we have sex with children in the room?

Most infants who sleep in the family bed regularly never even know sex has
occurred.  If you feel that movement on the bed might awaken the baby, move the
baby to a blanket on the floor until you are finished.  If you have older children,
consider planning a romantic rendevous somewhere other than the bedroom.  A
down comforter can make a cozy love nest just about anywhere, even the kitchen
or the bathroom (and its a little more exciting too!)
 
 

5.  Our bed is not big enough.  How can we all sleep together?

There are many ways to work this out.  You can put sleeping bags, twin size
mattresses, or futons on the floor next to the bed.  For infants, this is often all
that is needed.  You can also put two beds in one room and push them together.
At our house we used to play musical beds.  Some nights I would sleep in our bed
with the baby while dad slept on the couch.  Some nights, dad and older son
would sleep together in our bed while I and baby slept in older son’s bed.
Sometimes we’d all sleep in sleeping bags on the floor of the living room.
Sometimes we’d start younger children out in their own beds and us in ours, then
about halfway through the night they would get up and wander into our beds.  At
least we’d have half the night to ourselves, and they always knew they could get
up and come into our room if they needed to.  Sometimes they’d even manage to
sleep all night by themselves, but we didn’t expect them to, and they knew it was
ok if they didn’t.  Use whatever works for your family.
 
 

6.  What do we say to friends and relations who criticize our sleeping arrangements?

First, you can cite the scripture in Luke that we just discussed which gives
examples of parents and children sleeping together.  Then, you can tell them about
new research studies which show cosleeping to be beneficial.  You can tell them
about Dr. Sears and the fact that he is a pediatrician who recommends cosleeping
highly.  Or, you can simply say “Our children are happy with the arrangement
and so are we.  That’s all that matters.”  Over the course of my parenting career I
have learned to enjoy being different.  I’m always grateful when someone makes a
comment so I can publically state my support for the practice of cosleeping.  If
you feel secure in the fact that you are doing the right thing, it’s easier not to feel
intimidated by criticism.   Also, it’s really no one else’s business, so we never
really cared what anyone else thought.  I have learned that if you state with
confidence that this is the right thing, others sense that confidence.  They might
make one more comment, but when you reiterate that you have researched this
and have found it to be a sound parenting technique, they see you aren’t going to
back down and leave you alone.

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Copyright 2008   Judie C. Rall and The Center for Unhindered Living

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